It has been being brought to my attention more and more that I have an aversion to trying new things. Specifically cooking and baking new things. Even more so with experimenting and not just following a recipe.
My coworkers here are very supportive of the fact that I cannot have wheat, and are encouraging me to try using different flours to bake etc. I want to take them up on the offer of baking together, and trying, but I am so scared that I often agree at the time but never follow through. It is because I am scared.
I do not want to make a fool of myself, and I especially do not want to use up expensive (often) ingredients on something that fails. I would feel terrible.
I grew up buying mixes, making them to the t, and ending up with awesome things. Or following old (or new) family recipes, to the t, and ending up with delicious treats. Trusting my instincts, especially with baking, is something I haven’t learned to do yet, and I am uncomfortable pushing myself to become comfortable with it.
My first instinct is always to buy things I am craving. Or asking someone (mostly my Mom) to buy it for me. I am beyond appreciative I grew up in a family that this was okay, and we have enough income to be able to afford it. So when someone asks me to bake with them, I have so much fear I cannot even describe it.
It is funny that I have so much apprehension about baking. When I used to love it so much. But wheat free baking is a whole new territory for me, that I am scared to explore.
I am so confident in my ability to work, I KNOW I can do all of the farm work, and do it well. But cooking, and baking, are totally foreign to me.
Most of the time I do a good job at disguising my fear. But the offer/invitation to bake with me has been coming up more and more, and eventually I will have to face my fear.
I currently have bread (and some other things) coming to me via UPS because my Mom is awesome. I cannot wait for those to arrive, and will treasure them slowly. I am beyond thankful I grew up in a family who is willing to support me in this way.
It is ironic that the reason I went into farming is because I want to be able to feed people, but often I do not know how to make things to feed myself. No breads are not something I need, but sometimes the mind has to be taken into account, and my mind wants bread. Do I know how to make it? No. Maybe these are the skills I should be focusing on. But again, what happens when I inevitably fail? I don’t know.
If this doesn’t make sense I am not surprised. My thoughts are all currently jumbled, and yet I still felt the need to share. Ah the joys of living in the social media age!